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When the Gaga is Gone
and How to Get it Back
by : Jill Dellamalva
“We’ll see if he’s still sending you
roses six months from now,” a co-worker said, walking
past my desk that was brimming over with Valentine’s
Day flowers from my new boyfriend. I dismissed her comments
as pure jealousy.
Six months later, I thought back on her words with a
sense of wonderment.
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Was this woman clairvoyant?
How had she known that in just a few month’s time my boyfriend – who had been steadily sending
me roses of every hue – would now rather sit at a bar with
his friends on a Friday night than see me? Of course, he still
called me and took me on dates… but something was horribly
missing.
The “gaga” was
gone.
For those of
you who are unfamiliar with the term “gaga”,
it is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as: “marked
by wild enthusiasm, infatuated, doting.” I missed
this wild enthusiasm. The infatuation. The doting. I missed
getting each other little surprise gifts, spending late
nights talking on the phone, taking Sunday drives into
the country, talking about our future, going for walks
around the nearby lake holding hands, sneaking in a kiss
at every possible moment. Most of all, I missed my favorite
part of gaga. This is when, after every meal eaten out,
movie watched, purchase bought together, or trip we went
on, my boyfriend would hand me the receipt and tell me
to keep it in a special place so we could look back on
what we did one day. Over the months, I acquired a large
bag of these memory receipts.
Needless to
say, after a few weekend nights spent alone at home,
and no gaga, I proceeded to take that large bag
of memory receipts and dump them into my boyfriend’s
lap.
“This was gaga!” I fumed, “I see that
it’s gone now. We may as well break up because there’s
no fun in the relationship anymore.”
To be honest, I expected my boyfriend to agree. I expected
that we would break up, find someone else to be gaga with
for 6 months, and continue to repeat the process into infinity.
Instead, he
looked crushed. “But don’t you
love me?” he asked.
“Yes, but there’s no more gaga,” I said,
feeling like the relationship was doomed. If there was
no gaga, what was there? I wasn’t trying to be selfish,
but I was not feeling first place in his life anymore.
I wanted to relive the first six months we dated. Nothing
seemed special anymore, and it was upsetting. I definitely
needed some advice about this predicament. So I sought
the help of my clairvoyant co-worker.
“So the gaga is gone,” she said, looking amused. “I
knew it. It typically lasts 1-6 months. You’re lucky – you
kept it for a while.”
“But how about all of the couples that have been
dating for years?” I asked. “Or the ones that
get married? How does the relationship last when the gaga
disappears?”
“Gaga is a funny thing,” she said. “It’s
what draws two people together, and then it leaves. What
happens next depends on the two people. The relationship
depends on how much the both of you want it to work, and
how much the both of you want to be together. If you can
make it last and achieve happiness by working on it together – that’s
the real gaga.”
It is now 14
months into my relationship with my boyfriend. And while
the gaga has ended, we put our best efforts into
making our relationship fun, happy, and meaningful. Sure,
he still goes out with his friends without me, and I will
go out without him. This is normal and to be expected.
But the next day, or the next weekend, we both make it
a point to do something together – whether it means
taking a romantic walk or going away for a weekend on a
trip. We learned that gaga is a state of mind, and it’s
up to us to be in it or not.
I have recently started my second bag of receipt memories.
Copyright 2005. All rights reserved
Jill Dellamalva writes for SinglesDating.com -
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