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They Have Kids
by : Kelly Wolf
| You’ve met someone who stirs you in ways you’ve
only imagined. E-mail from them arrives in your mailbox and
you smile. Their voice on the other end of the line makes
your stomach flutter. The sight of them makes all your worries
seem unimportant and their happiness all that matters- until
you hear a child scream for them and they have to deal with
the situation in another part of the house. |
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You snap out of your amorous state of mind and anxiously wonder
if you are ready to deal with the other part of their life- the
kids.
I’m sure you knew going into the relationship that they
had kids. It wasn’t a real issue until you met them. All
kinds of feelings are associated with this kind of situation.
Anxiety, unease and feeling uncertain about the kind of roll
you might play in the lives of this family. It can feel like
an overwhelming position but one that you are considering if
you have begun to contemplate your readiness.
You are with this
person because there is chemistry. A relationship with the
kind of chemistry you feel with this person is hard
to find. It was easy to put off dealing with the fact that children
were involved at first. When your new partner was ready, you
were invited to meet the kids and that’s where the reality
set in.
First and foremost,
you must like children! If you generally find that you don’t enjoy children, there isn’t
a very good chance you might miraculously fall in love with
his
or her kids. You need to see how well you get along with the
children. A day at the park or an outing for ice cream is a great
way for everyone to interact and feel each other out.
You will need to see
how well you get along with the ‘ex’ if
he or she is involved. In any kind of situation, the better the
adults get along, the better it is for the children. You don’t
have to be best friends, but to be able to acknowledge each other
in greetings and exchange a few words let the kids know that
you aren’t any threat to the existing structure of the
family.
Finally, you need to define your role in this family. A detailed
discussion with your partner about this should clearly define
any kind of expectations and limitations on your part. You should
also use this opportunity to express your concerns and address
them. Above all, the fact that you have reached the point of
asking yourself if you can handle being with someone who has
children is healthy and normal. It is a realization many people
have to deal with these days. The maturity it takes to recognize
and deal with the potential issues has you already taking a very
positive step forward, whatever your decision might be.
Copyright 2005. All rights reserved
Kelly Wolf writes for SinglesDating.com -
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